A Dozen Second Chances (ARC) Read online

  Kate Field

  Eve and Paddy

  CHAPTER 1

  Twenty minutes. The train would leave in twenty minutes, and time wouldn’t stop however

  hard I wished for it.

  I looked at Caitlyn, sitting across a table littered with half-drunk coffee cups; caught

  her surreptitiously sliding her sleeve back down to cover her watch – not for the first time.

  ‘It will be fine,’ Caitlyn said. ‘No different than when I went on a school trip, only this

  one will last longer. I won’t be that far away. Nearer than Nan. It hardly takes more than an

  hour to fly to Paris.’

  She would be over five hundred miles away. I’d looked it up. She’d been further on

  school trips, but they had been finite – a matter of days. Now she was leaving for twelve

  months, but really, what were the chances of her coming back? Once she’d experienced the

  glamour of Paris, why would she want to return to rainy Lancashire? And while part of me

  wept at the thought of losing her, when I had already lost so much, another part cheered her

  on. I’d had plans to travel once. I knew what it felt like, that heady mix of trepidation and

  excitement, the belief that the world was storing up opportunities with your name on, waiting

  to be discovered. I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of her discoveries.

  ‘Of course it will be fine,’ I said. I knew my allotted lines. We had played out a script

  all week: me trying to look pleased that Caitlyn was going, Caitlyn trying to look sorry.

  ‘Freedom! At last!’

  I managed a smile. I shouldn’t have come. I should have dropped Caitlyn off at the

  local station to make her own way, not suggested driving down to Manchester and spending

  the night there before she caught her train. I had wanted to savour our last minutes together,

  not realising until now that sometimes a swift goodbye was a far less painful option after all.

  ‘Freedom for you too,’ Caitlyn said. ‘You could let Rich stay the night, without fear

  that you’ll corrupt my innocent young mind …’

  1

  Kate Field

  Eve and Paddy

  I made a non-committal noise, trying to disguise my instinctive aversion to that idea.

  Rich in my bed … his face the first sight of my day … He wouldn’t expect that, would he? I

  thought we both had the measure of our relationship: it didn’t include whole nights together.

  Physical intimacies, yes; emotional ones, no. Besides, I’d spent years enjoying my

  independence. I might now have an empty nest, but filling it with a man wasn’t my idea of

  freedom.

  Fifteen minutes. Caitlyn rummaged in her backpack and brought out a slim package

  wrapped in blue tissue paper. She held it out to me.

  ‘I’ve got something for you. It’s not much …’

  I unwrapped the paper with deliberate care, eking out the seconds. It fell open to reveal

  a tiny gift box, and inside that lay a stack of rectangular pieces of card. I studied the top one. It

  was beautifully illustrated around the border with a variety of my favourite flowers – Caitlyn

  had inherited Faye’s artistic talent, as well as her looks. In the centre, a calligraphy message

  read:

  BE KIND TO YOURSELF

  VOUCHER ONE

  I, Eve Roberts, have been kind to myself by…………………………

  There were twelve numbered vouchers in total. I looked up at Caitlyn, bewildered.

  ‘It’s your challenge while I’m away,’ she explained, with a grin that was achingly

  familiar. ‘You’ve put me first forever. Now it’s your turn. You have to treat yourself, do some

  things that are purely for you. It doesn’t matter how small it is – even a soak in the bath with

  some fancy new bubble bath will count. But you have to fill in each voucher and send it to me,

  to prove you’ve done it. Promise?’

  2

  Kate Field

  Eve and Paddy

  ‘Promise,’ I replied, helpless to resist that grin, as I had always been. ‘Thank you.’ I

  forced myself to check the time. ‘Do you think we should …’

  Caitlyn was out of her seat before the sentence was finished, wheeling her suitcase

  through the crowds to the platform for the London train.

  ‘We’ll still speak all the time, won’t we?’ she asked, hesitating at the platform barrier,

  ticket in hand. ‘I mean, I know it’s only Paris, we’re not going to be a million miles apart, but

  …’

  ‘Of course we will. You’ll get tired of hearing from me. Now enough of this. You can’t

  miss your train. Gemma will be waiting. Give me a hug and get on your way. There are amazing

  times ahead of you!’

  I wrapped my arms around her, feeling in our embrace the memory of a lifetime of

  hugs, from the tiny child around my knees, to the embarrassed teenager, to the young woman

  who now stood over me. Who knew when the next one would be? Caitlyn was the first to draw

  back.

  ‘Thanks, Mum,’ she said. ‘For everything. I know I haven’t said it, but I do appreciate

  how much you’ve done.’

  I hadn’t done enough. I could never do enough. I shook my head, dismissing such talk.

  ‘Still Mum?’ I said, though my heart tensed in dread at the possible answer. ‘Would

  you prefer it to be Eve now?’

  ‘No.’ Caitlyn lunged forward for a last, desperate hug. ‘You’ll always be Mum. Love

  you!’

  I waited on the concourse, my cheeks aching with a smile she couldn’t see, watching

  until the last carriage of the train disappeared from sight, and wondered what the hell I was

  supposed to do with my life now.

  *

  3

  Kate Field

  Eve and Paddy

  It was late afternoon by the time I pulled on to the drive of my small, semi-detached house in

  the market town of Inglebridge in north Lancashire. The early March sun warmed the bricks

  on the front of the house as the light faded for the day, but I couldn’t help thinking it a cruel

  illusion: with Caitlyn gone, the inside of the house was going to seem horribly cold and bare.

  I glanced across the road to my friend Tina’s house, but there was no car on the drive, no sign

  of life – no chance of going through her front door for a while instead of my own.

  The silence hit me as soon as I stepped into the hall. I was used to getting home from

  work before Caitlyn, and greeting an empty house, but this felt different; the silence was

  deeper, as if the bricks and mortar joined with me in mourning her absence. Before I’d even

  taken one step, I’d noticed the changes: her shoes were missing from the usual place by the

  front door; the peg where she hung her coat was empty; her house keys lay in the bowl on the

  table, because she had no use for them now. Would this ever feel normal?

  The front doorbell rang, and I opened the door to see Tina.

  ‘I saw you arrive home,’ she said. Of course she did: Tina lived in the dormer bungalow

  immediately opposite my house, and missed nothing. She had brought over some sandwiches

  on the day we’d moved in, fourteen years ago, and we had been firm fr
iends ever since. ‘I came

  to offer tea and sympathy, assuming I can’t tempt you to anything stronger. Forget the healthy

  living for today – your face says you need alcohol and plenty of it.’

  ‘That bad?’ I asked.

  Tina nodded, without even a decent pause to consider her answer.

  ‘At least two wine bottles’ worth of bad. It’s what I needed when Liam went off to

  university. I needed three bottles when he boomeranged back here!’ She laughed. ‘You look

  like you might burst into tears at any minute. You can’t be on your own.’

  ‘I was going to come over, but your car wasn’t there.’

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  Kate Field

  Eve and Paddy

  ‘Graham’s gone to play golf. He’d better get back soon; the kitchen drawer has jammed,

  and I can’t get it open. It had to be the one with the corkscrew in, didn’t it? I’ve no screw tops

  left. It’s at times like this I wish my neighbour wasn’t teetotal …’ She grinned, and I laughed.

  ‘But you do have a neighbour with some basic DIY skills. Let me get my toolbox and

  I’ll have a look at the drawer.’

  ‘I was hoping you’d say that. You’re a lifesaver!’

  And so was Tina; this was exactly the distraction I needed, as I suspected she well

  knew. I collected my toolbox from the garage and crossed the road to Tina’s. As soon as she

  opened the door, I was assaulted by the deep thrum of rock music pervading the house from

  upstairs; another reminder of what I was going to miss. Tina gave a wry grimace before

  bellowing up the stairs. ‘Turn that racket down! Eve’s here!’

  The music faded by a barely perceptible notch.

  ‘There! Twenty-four and almost house-trained.’ Tina laughed and looked me up and

  down. ‘I’ll never get used to this. You look like a Boden model who wandered into the B&Q

  catalogue by mistake.’ She opened the cupboard under the stairs and plucked a bottle from the

  pine wine rack tucked away there. ‘I’ll drink your share. No one counts on a Saturday, do

  they?’

  While she was making me a cup of tea, I examined the drawer that was stuck. It was a

  disappointingly easy job to fix it; something was obviously catching when I tried to open it,

  but jiggling the drawer wasn’t enough to move it. I’d brought over a metal coat hanger, and

  inserted this into the gap, manoeuvring it carefully until the contents shifted and I could open

  the drawer. I removed all the drawers and lubricated the runners while I was at it.

  ‘You’re better than a husband,’ Tina said, snatching up the corkscrew. ‘Graham would

  rather have a golf club in his hand than a spanner.’

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  Eve and Paddy

  I shrugged. ‘I don’t mind. I enjoy it.’ More than I’d expected. I’d signed up to lots of

  basic DIY courses over the years, in a bid both to save money and be self-reliant, but had found

  a real sense of satisfaction in learning how to identify a problem and to solve it – in some

  aspects of life, at least.

  I followed Tina into the conservatory, a recent addition to the bungalow and her pride

  and joy. South-facing, and with views across the small patch of garden to the fields beyond, it

  made the most of the advantage of this side of the street. My garden faced north, and looked

  out on to Winlow Hill, the highest peak in the area, and one that drew ramblers and tourists to

  Inglebridge throughout the year. It was a view that I loved; I wouldn’t have switched sides of

  the street for any money.

  ‘Did Caitlyn get off okay?’

  ‘Yes. No delays, no cancellations. Where are leaves on the line when you need them?’

  I glanced at my watch. ‘She’ll be in London now. One night at Gemma’s, and then they’ll catch

  the Eurostar first thing in the morning. They’ll be in Paris by lunchtime.’

  ‘Lucky them! It makes me wish I’d tried harder at languages at school. I’d have given

  my eye teeth to have had the chance to drop everything and work in Paris when I was twenty,

  wouldn’t you?’

  ‘Yes.’ I gazed out through the conservatory windows, seeing nothing. I remembered

  too clearly how, at twenty, the world had seemed there for the taking; remembered the plans

  built on excitement rather than practicality, to travel the globe, to take part in ground-breaking

  archaeological digs across the continents. It had all been so possible, so tangible. But at twenty-

  one, my world had shrunk; it had all become impossible.

  Tina must have read something on my face, as she stretched across and rubbed my

  hand.

  ‘Sorry. Me and my big gob. I didn’t mean …’

  6

  Kate Field

  Eve and Paddy

  ‘I know, it’s fine.’ I clutched my mug between my hands. ‘Sometimes life doesn’t take

  you where you hoped it would. Better a different life than none at all. I’m the lucky one.’ I

  sipped my tea, mentally pushing away the guilt that threatened to roll in like the mist over

  Winlow Hill.

  ‘Are you meeting Rich tonight? Is he taking you out to cheer you up?’

  Tina’s attempt to lighten the mood wasn’t a huge success.

  ‘It’s his access weekend. His children are staying so I won’t see him.’ Despite my best

  efforts, there was more relief in my voice than regret. ‘Maybe we’ll go out during the week.’

  ‘You can do what you like now, can’t you? Life begins at almost forty! You’re lucky

  to have an empty nest while you still have the energy to take advantage of it. What plans do

  you have?’

  ‘Nothing special …’ And then I remembered Caitlyn’s parting gift, and I pulled the box

  of vouchers out of my bag to show Tina. ‘Although Caitlyn has made me these, and I promised

  to do twelve things to be kind to myself …’

  ‘Ooh, aren’t they pretty? She should sell these. I’d buy some.’ Tina inspected the cards.

  ‘Have you thought of anything yet?’

  I shook my head.

  ‘I know the perfect thing to set you off,’ Tina said, reaching for her iPad. ‘Are you free

  next Thursday night?’

  ‘Maybe …’

  ‘I saw this advertised on my Facebook group for history teachers this morning. There’s

  a talk on Thursday night at a private school in Yorkshire about the Romans in Britain.’

  ‘A history talk? That sounds more like being kind to you,’ I said, smiling.

  Tina laughed. ‘Hang on, I’m getting to your bit. The talk is a two-hander with a historian

  and an archaeologist speaking.’

  7

  Kate Field

  Eve and Paddy

  I sipped my tea, feeling the first stirrings of disquiet. It was foolish – irrational. How

  many thousands of archaeologists must there be across the country? There was no reason to

  think it would be him …

  ‘Here we go,’ Tina continued, tapping at the iPad screen. ‘Jeremy Swann is the historian

  – you might not have heard of him, but he’s written some interesting books about life in Roman

  Britain. That’s your favourite time, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said, when Tina paused for breath. It had been my favourite time. In the days

  when archaeology hadn’t only been about the past, but my future. Our future.

  ‘And they’ve done well to get this archaeologist,’ Tina continued. ‘He’s been on the

  telly –
did you see that programme, Travels Through Time? Paddy Friel’s his name. Have you

  heard of him?’

  Paddy Friel … My head began to spin. I put down my mug.

  ‘I’ll find you a photo. That’ll convince you to come with me.’ Tina laughed and swiped

  the iPad screen. ‘Here you go. Don’t tell me it’s not being kind to yourself to gaze at him for

  an hour …’

  Tina held the iPad up towards me. A man’s profile filled the screen: a familiar face, if

  older than when I had last studied it in such detail, from the cleft in his chin, to the dark curls

  that tumbled around his face, still slightly too long for practicality. I thought I’d set aside my

  feelings many years ago, but as I stared at the picture, the emotions revived, flashing through

  my head like a spinning fairground ride: a dizzying blur of love, disappointment, hatred and

  anger.

  ‘He’s no expert on the Romans,’ I said. I turned away from the photo. Those twinkling

  eyes stirred too many memories, the good memories, not the bad. I didn’t want to remember

  those. ‘He was always more interested in the Vikings.’

  And in himself – no subject was closer to Paddy Friel’s heart than Paddy Friel.

  8

  Kate Field

  Eve and Paddy

  ‘You know him?’ Tina looked more impressed than Paddy deserved. She smiled.

  ‘You’re a dark horse. How well do you know him? Academically or Biblically?’

  ‘Both, once. It was all over a long time ago.’

  ‘Blimey.’ Tina goggled at me. ‘I wasn’t serious. But, really? You had a thing with

  Paddy Friel? How could you not have mentioned that before?’

  ‘Because I’d rather forget all about him. I certainly don’t want to meet him again.’

  Tina hesitated, tapping her iPad screen with her nail.

  ‘You won’t meet him. We can sit at the back and sneak out as soon as it ends. There’s

  coffee and biscuits afterwards, but we don’t need to stay for that. Come on, I don’t want to go

  on my own. And what about these?’ Tina pointed at the pile of ‘Be Kind to Yourself’ vouchers.

  ‘This is a perfect example of what Caitlyn had in mind. It’s time to start thinking of yourself